Simple, Yet Critical Principle of Reconciliation That Can Work for or Against You
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It is important to keep your emotions in control because in situations like this it is better to use your head than your heart.
Simple, Yet Critical Principle of Reconciliation That Can Work for or Against You
By Seymour SpaceyIs this your story? James and Bethy are together. They enjoy their awesome relationship, but then the relationship starts to deteriorate for one reason or another. Maybe they start seeing each other more rarely or they start having fights. One day Beth decides that she will be better off without James. Sounds harsh, right? So she breaks up with him.
James wants that relationship. He likes being with Bethy. And of course Bethy hasn’t forgotten about their relationship as it has just ended. So there are big chances that they can be together again. James figures out that he must do something proactive in order to be with his love again. So let’s say that he does attract her attention again.
They start talking on the phone frequently. One day James proposes a meeting over a coffee and they do meet. Everything goes smooth for James. He can see in his mind the image of him and her together again. So he just can’t wait. He rationalizes this feeling of impatience by saying to himself “why should I wait? It’s obvious that she wants to be with me again.” So he starts to exhibit behaviours that communicate to Beth that he’s way too eager to get her back.
Guess what happens next! Slowly Beth stops answering the phone to James. She realizes that maybe getting back together with him is not a good idea.
James thought that they will be together for sure. After all she was clearly enjoying him and she was acting like back in the days when their relationship was still fresh. And all of a sudden she doesn’t want to see him again. Of course, she doesn’t tell him that. She just makes excuses.
Why? What happened. Well what James did is turn her emotions and the image that she has for him to work against him. He showed weakness in a moment when he should’ve acted cool. If he was more observant, he would have seen how her behaviour slowly turned colder and colder after the signs that he wanted to rush things.
He was acting like a joyous puppy- one that sees his owners come back from a long vacation. And as cute as puppies are, no woman will want to be with one. They want a man dog. The way James acted made her feel like he’s giving his power away to her.
What was the better choice for James? He would have been better off just laying back, leaving after 20 or 30 minutes in the cafe. And even if Bethy brings up the idea of reconciliation, the best choice would be to tell her “Let’s take things slowly and see how it goes”. This communicates power. This is attractive! Of course, only when it is done naturally and not in an over exaggerated manner.
Let’s switch the story. Let’s say that James dumped Bethy and now Bethy wants to get him back. Again- they go out together to drink coffee. And it seems like James is all into her again. She can see that he wants her again. So things progress and before she knows it they end up in bed. Cool, they are going to be together again… Right? Maybe, maybe not.
Many men would just take the fact of having sex this quickly with their ex as a message that says “We are not together… But it’s cool to have sex. I will be your ex that still wants to have sex with you.” And while she thinks that he wants to have a relationship with her again, all he wants now is to have sex with her from time to time.
Again- what was the right move? Taking it slowly and only allowing herself to have sex with him after he commits to wanting relationship with her.
So to recap- don’t rush things! Take it slowly and keep your power to yourself. This way you will come off way more attractive to your ex!
Hey, I’m sure you will use this knowledge to win your ex back. There is only one expert that can help you do it. And he’s called Nike—> Just do it. Of course first you have to know what to do.
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