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Conflict Resolution in Relationship
By Tosin Abdulazeez

Conflicts evolve in our daily activities and must be expertly managed. When conflict is mismanaged, it negatively affects the relationship between individuals and ultimately suppresses the desire to be mutually innovative but when handled in a respectful and positive way, it provides an opportunity for growth and ultimately strengthens the bond between people.

Cruel misunderstandings, one after another yet sublime, can alter a family. Thus, learning how to deal with conflict rather than avoiding it is crucial. While we learn from our mistakes, we would probably be more happy with less education. Neither does it mean the end of one’s freedom nor putting up with torture. The key is to find a balance and overcome these uncomfortable situations.

Firstly, Get In Touch With Your Feelings because sometimes we feel angry or resentful, but don’t know why. Mostly, we feel that the other person isn’t doing what they ‘should, but we aren’t aware of exactly what we want from them, or if it’s even reasonable. We need to get in touch with our feelings with our “personal journal”. It helps to get in touch with our own feelings, thoughts and expectations so we are better able to communicate them to the other person.

Secondly, endeavour to Hone Your Listening Skills. How effectively we listen is at least as important as how effectively we express ourselves. It’s vital to understand the other person’s perspective, rather than just our own, if we are to come to a resolution.

Thus, you need to help other people to feel heard and understood because this can sometimes go a long way towards understanding the differences. Unfortunately, active listening is a skill that not everybody knows, and it’s common for people to think they’re listening, while in their heads they’re actually formulating their next response, thinking to themselves how wrong the other person is, or doing things other than trying to understand the other person’s perspective. It’s also common to be so defensive and entrenched in your own perspective that you literally can’t hear the other person’s point of view.

Thirdly, always communicate your feelings and needs clearly. Because saying the wrong things can be like pouring fuel on fire, and make the conflict worse. The important thing to remember is to say what’s on your mind in a way that is clear and assertive, without being aggressive or putting the other person on the defensive. It is better to sleep on what you plan to do than to lie awake because of what you have done.

Fourthly, always endeavour to seek a “common ground” because once you understand the other person’s perspective, and they understand yours; it provides a comfortable feeling.

The important thing is to come to a place of understanding, and try to work things out in a way that’s respectful to all involved. It is much easier to cry about the way things are, to grumble and to complain, than it is to build up the courage to change our circumstances. We’d rather leave it up to God, and when we ‘realise’ that God is not hearing our cries, we start losing faith.

Finally, resolving conflict in relationship can be tricky. If handled improperly, attempts at conflict resolution can actually make the conflict worse. For those who weren’t born into a family where perfect conflict resolution skills were modelled on a daily basis; Only you can decide if a relationship can be improved, or should be let go. Achieving a goal is never final and failure to do so is never fatal. The worst failure is failure to try.

Hi, my name is Tosin. I have an easy going and fun loving personality. My favourite club is Manchester United. I love surfing the Internet, analysing soccer, reading intellectual, educative, entertaining and analytic articles.

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Learn more about attraction and you will be able to perform magic in your relationship. When it comes to break-ups, making yourself a better and worth loving person is still the best advice you can get.

Narcissistic Emotional Abusers and Toxic Relationships – Let’s Play Ball
By Ruth E David

The term “toxic relationship” was beginning to be heard in the United States approximately twenty years ago. Recently this author came across an amazing chart included in Rorie Raye’s material “Have the Relationship You Want.”

A questionnaire in Rorie’s material asks about the actions of the person with whom you are involved identifying whether you have a “good” person, a “clueless” person, a “difficult” person, or a “toxic” person.

A good person is described as someone who can play ball with you. If you throw them the ball, they catch the ball and throw it back to you and you catch the ball and throw it back to them.

Reciprocity is present. The relationship works smoothly.

The “clueless” person is someone that is aware they are playing a game of catching ball with you, but when you throw the ball towards them, they are looking the opposite direction. When you inform them that you threw the ball their direction and they missed it, they immediately apologize and begin looking for and retrieving the ball.

They find the ball and throw it back to you and you both resume playing ball with one another.

The “difficult” person can be described as one wherein the previous scenario occurs. Instead of “catching on” to how the game is played, however, you spend a lot of time teaching, reminding, and reviewing how to play the game on frequent occasions.

A “toxic” person is one who looks directly at you, sees you’re about to throw the ball, stands there looking blankly at you, you throw the ball, the ball drops to the ground, and the toxic person looks at you like you’re ridiculous and says, “Didn’t you see I wasn’t ready?”

You respond by going over and chasing the ball apologizing that you didn’t see they weren’t ready. You resume to play ball and the same scenario happens again and again.

You say you want to play ball. That means ball games, not head games! Is it possible with narcissistic emotional abusers?

When you decide you want to go play with someone else, it is then that the toxic person engages and plays a few rounds of ball successfully catching and throwing the ball back and forth with you. The toxic person, however, soon returns to the same initial way of playing ball when you begin to become comfortable playing catch with them.

This cycle continues for years with the toxic person never figuring out how to play catch for any length of time the way normal people play catch because one of two reasons. One reason is that they don’t want to play ball the way you want to play ball or the second reason being that they simply can’t play ball the way the normal game of playing ball is played.

Ask yourself what kind of game of ball catching would you prefer playing? Have you ever played catch with someone who really knows how to play and can read how you can catch and then throws the ball in a way that feels good for you and works?

Or, are you so used to chasing dropped balls with your partner who never seems to “get it?”

There comes a time when you will realize that for once in your life you’d like to really play ball instead of scrambling after balls that not only fall on the floor, but most of time fall in places you really don’t want to put your hands.

Perhaps an important choice to consider would be to think about playing ball with a different person while you still can.

There is a video on “YouTube” by “A Gossamer Heart” with a slide showing a picture of a young child evolving to a middle-aged woman and to a mature-aged woman. Similarly to the video, look at the stress lines in your face and begin to realize that those lines are there to stay and that the years existing in a relationship that is everything but satisfying are gone.

Time waits for no one.

FREE guides “What is emotional abuse?” and “What is an emotional abuser?” – Ruth Elaine David, Professional Mental Health Provider, teaches people how to stop emotional abuse in their intimate relationships with emotional abusers, and more specifically, narcissistic emotional abusers.

To access your FREE guides TODAY, visit: http://www.EscapeEmotionalAbuserNow.com

Visit: http://www.Facebook.com/EscapeWithRuth to ask questions or make comments

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To Resolve Conflict
By Tom Maker

Conflicts can arise anywhere, in any relationship due to some serious reasons but important thing is to resolve them. A good behavioral approach is important for this.

You need to make few changes in your approach only then you can think about to change the situation. You need to be soft to resolve conflict.

Following things can help you in this regard,by applying few things in your approach; you can easily win the situation.

Accept your mistake: It’s important to accept your mistake, if you are clearly wrong. Nobody is perfect in this world so mistakes can happen from you also but the big thing is to accept them. When anything wrong happened in your work then don’t blame others for the mistake and never pretend that you are completely right or you know your job better. Always accept your mistake and ready to correct it. It will bring other person down. Errors are expected in any business but the important thing is to work over them. Conflicts can occur in one-to one relationship or meetings or negotiations etc. although there may be similarities between these areas but each one has different emphasis.

If the conflict arise in the meeting then find out the areas of agreement.

A conversation with the related person after the meeting can resolve the issue. Present your view in front of the related person but don’t force him to follow your plan as it can distract him more.

Try to agree with the person on a valid point as there definitely will be some ways to balance the situation from both the sides in a positive way.

Be ready for the compromise as this is a crucial step to resolve conflict from both the sides.

Always remember that the goal of the company is more important so if the other person’s view is more accurate or his plan is more solid then don’t hesitate to get agree with him.

Learn to negotiate the problem. It will always be better for you. Those things are not of much importance for you just ignore them. Communicative,focused and adaptable people negotiate little things.

Respect the other person during the communication. It’s important to stay calm. A solution stage can be achieved easily if both the parties are professional. Conflicts can be sorted out with a sincere attitude. Never confront with the person with negativity or never complain for little things.

Try to leave a positive impact on others because your negative impact can destroy your image and at the same time affect your work also.

Conflicts are just part of life so don’t take them so seriously. The important part is to resolve the conflict and that can be done with the help of above mentioned facts.

For more information please contact at the given address: to resolve conflict and crucialconfrontationsapp.com

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It is important to keep your emotions in control because in situations like this it is better to use your head than your heart.

What If They Don’t Want to Resolve the Conflict
By Judy Ringer

I frequently receive the following question when working with coaching clients and during workshops. What if I’m the only one who wants to resolve the conflict?

What if they don’t care about resolving the conflict?

If you’re entering a conflict conversation believing this, it will be difficult to gain traction. More than any other element, your attitude does the heavy lifting in determining how the conversation goes.

You can’t change the unwilling person, only yourself.

You can’t make them curious, open, or self-disclosing. You can’t make them care. However, if you remain centered, curious, and open, you may find the other person changes of their own accord. Your positive outlook is an invitation that’s hard to refuse. Your openness creates space for something new to emerge from the relationship.

5 Additional Tips

#1: Look for the person who wants to resolve the conflict. When we are in conflict with someone, we only see one part of that person–the part we don’t like or have difficulty with. This person has many selves, just like you. Find the one that might want to end the difficulty and invite that person to the conversation.

#2: Choose a purpose for the conversation that might appeal to the other person: “I’d like to talk with you about something that might help us work together better / get along better / resolve this issue / be friends again.” What would help this person come to the table? What might help him/her get on board?

#3: Look at the situation from the other person’s point of view. How many of us know this already? How many times do we suggest it, teach it, and demonstrate it to clients, friends and others in conflict? And how difficult it is to do when the conflict is ours! When you are puzzled and frustrated by your partner’s resistance, instead of viewing him/her as stubborn or irrational, understand there’s an emotional process going on for them. As long as they are struggling with this process, it will be hard for them to change. Investigate, name, or give the process time to unwind.

#4: Acknowledge the resistance. There may be some resistance in you as well that you aren’t even aware of. Your need to have the conflict resolved, for instance, can be felt as a kind of pressure by your partner. Sometimes leaving the conflict alone for awhile will relieve the pressure and make it possible for your partner to step forward into the opening. You can do this with a statement such as, “I’m going to let this conversation (issue, conflict, problem) be for a while. I think I’m adding pressure and I don’t want to do that. Please know that I would like to resolve things with you and am open to talking whenever you want.”

#5: Continue to be cordial, respectful and engaged, holding the vision that the two of you will work things through. See the future with the problem resolved.

About the Author: Judy Ringer is the author of Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict, http://www.unlikelyteachersbook.com and the award-winning e-zine, Ki Moments, containing stories and practices on turning life’s challenges into life teachers. Judy is a black belt in aikido and nationally known presenter, specializing in unique workshops on conflict, communication, and creating a positive work environment. She is the owner of Power & Presence Training, and founder of Portsmouth Aikido, Portsmouth, NH, USA. To sign up for more free tips and articles like these, visit http://www.JudyRinger.com

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How to Confront With Skill and Confidence: 7 Tips
By Judy Ringer

“We defy augury; there is a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, ’tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be now; if it be not now, yet it will come: the readiness is all.”

– Hamlet, Act 5, Scene ii, William Shakespeare

A friend stopped me on the way out of the locker room. Concerned about a fellow exerciser’s habit of not wiping down the equipment after using it, she asked me if I thought she should say something. She thought about going to the facility manager, but the word tattle-tale came to mind. What should she do?

These kinds of questions arise in almost every workshop:

• My coworker takes a longer lunch than the rest of us, and I have to cover.
• He never replaces the files. He just expects someone else to pick up after him.
• Everyone else plays by the rules! Why can’t they?

Because confrontation is difficult, these conversations seldom take place with the one person who counts. Why?

• We don’t want to seem picky or pefectionistic.
• We’re fearful about the possible consequences with someone we see every day.
• We wonder if it’s our place to speak. Why doesn’t someone else do it?
• We don’t think we have the confidence or skill.

If you’re contemplating confronting a coworker, friend, family member, or even someone you don’t know very well, this 7-step checklist will help you address the issue respectfully and take care of yourself in the bargain.

How to Confront With Skill and Confidence: 7 Tips

#1) Keep it Safe

Analyze your purpose for bringing the problem up. What do you really want?

• A healthier facility?
• A fairer, more cooperative workplace?
• More direct communication?

As you clarify your hopes for the confrontation, things often fall into place.

#2) Don’t Assume They Know

Hard as it is to believe, your gym buddy may not know how to clean the equipment or that it’s expected. Maybe your coworker assumes lunchtime is flexible or is so used to having others pick up after him, he doesn’t notice when you do.

#3) Imagine a Positive Outcome

Don’t assume the other person will have a negative reaction. He/she may not see the behavior as antagonizing and might be grateful for ways to be more of a team player.

#4) Stay Curious

Another key to keeping things safe is to adopt an attitude of curiosity. Choosing this non-verbal stance when things get sticky makes life so much easier. Instead of, “How rude!” think, “How interesting!”

#5) Describe the Gap

A simple 3-step strategy from the book, Crucial Confrontations, is called “Describe the Gap:”

• Describe what you see.
• Describe the expectation.
• Ask about the “gap” between the two.

For example, “I notice you don’t wipe down the machine after you use it, and the expectation is that we do. I’m curious why you don’t.” Or just: “I notice you don’t wipe down the machine after using it.” The question (Why not?) is implied.

#6) Be direct

To confront with skill and confidence, start by talking to the person who can solve the problem. Be specific. Use an I-Statement. Focus on the behavior and its impact. Be respectful, courteous, and direct.

#7) The Readiness Is All

Fears about what might happen are usually nebulous and unfounded, but they stop us nonetheless. The key is to be ready for whatever may come. And the key to being ready is to sort through the possible outcomes. Anticipate the best, and be prepared for anything. If the person has a huge emotional reaction, know they had other options. Their reaction has everything to do with their internal process and little to do with you. Stand to the side, and watch the emotional energy go by.

Sometimes we get so worked up about these seemingly difficult conversations that we make them harder. Or we stay silent when speaking up might influence the environment for the better.

I’ve written in the past about the many life lessons I learn from my own daily workout. I’m sure there will be lessons for my friend, too. She may decide the issue’s not important enough to address and choose to let it go. What’s key in these ki moments is evaluating the options and feeling good about your choice.

About the Author: Judy Ringer is the author of Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict, http://www.unlikelyteachersbook.com and the award-winning e-zine,Ki Moments, containing stories and practices on turning life’s challenges into life teachers. Judy is a black belt in aikido and nationally known presenter, specializing in unique workshops on conflict, communication, and creating a positive work environment. She is the owner of Power & Presence Training, and founder of Portsmouth Aikido, Portsmouth, NH, USA. To sign up for more free tips and articles like these, visit http://www.JudyRinger.com

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Now, if you want to get your ex back, you can get access to my free guide in just a few seconds. Guys, click here. Ladies, click here.

Other useful resource: how to win her back

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Give yourself time to heal and think of what YOU really want.

Powerful Ways To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back ASAP
By Tom T Tims

If your girlfriend dumps you it can seem as if everything is coming apart.

Some guys see it arriving, however many guys experience the whole situation as a total shock.

Guys are just left wanting to know what happened, whether they did something that was wrong or whether there is something different they could do to get their ex back. Many guys I know grow desperate and end up behaving in ways that definitely makes the whole thing worse (if things could be worse!).

However most people want to know whether ultimately there is anything they could do or have done differently which would help them get their ex back.

Actually, you may be able to do just that if you know the steps to take. However firstly you need to question whether getting back with your ex is really worth it – some people just act out of instinct without realizing that their girlfriend leaving was probably the best thing that could have happened to them!

Some people feel awful getting dumped, however it can sometimes be the best thing that happened to them but they don’t realize that in the heat of the moment! I mean they spend lots of their time moaning about the other person, but suddenly when they are not there they want them back!

The process of being dumped leaves them feeling miserable and thinking they want the person back that was actually making them feel miserable before they got dumped!

So right now, ask yourself ‘do you really want to get back with this person?’

If that is the case then you need to take action now to get your ex girlfriend back.

So what is it that you can do to get them back? Just search the internet and you’ll find dozens of programs about crafty ways to get your ex girlfriend back, however most of them are just ‘gimmicks’. The key is that it is all about understanding the other person and really finding out what drives their emotions.

Many relationships don’t work because at the end of the day the other person doesn’t feel understood.

Understanding how women think is very important if you want to build a deep relationship. Women think in very different ways to men. I mean everyone is different, but there are general rules that when we get how they work we have the secret strategies to win the heart of the other person. When you have that deeper level of understanding it becomes a matter of following set strategies about how to win the other person back and by doing this you will find that the other person becomes truly attracted to you.

So don’t get down and desperate, because that is the biggest turn off to anyone! Instead build up your own self-confidence and start to understand the things that really made your ex girlfriend tick! What was it that she found attractive about you in the first place and work on those things to make your ex girlfriend desperate to get you back in their life.

Tom Tims is a relationship coach. Here is more information about dealing with a break up.

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If you want your ex to fall in love with you again, you need to make yourself worth loving.

Can You Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
By Tom T Tims

Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

When your boyfriend leaves you it can seem like the whole world is coming apart.

Some people see it coming, however a lot of people experience the whole things as a total surprise. It leaves people just asking questions about what happened, what they could have done wrong and could they do anything to get their partner back. Often people get desperate and end up acting in ways that actually makes the situation worse (if it could be worse!)

But the real question is whether there really is something you could do to get your ex boyfriend back – I mean would you give it everything you could to get back with your ex? Well, it may be more possible than you think. But first of all you need to ask yourself whether you really want to get back with your ex – because if you don’t then you’re going to let yourself in for a lot of hard work that might leave you with a relationship you were not all that happy with in the first place!

I know a lot of people who had a pretty bad relationship that suddenly ended and they were broken hearted because they got dumped! Even though most of the time they were moaning about the person they were with anyway! But it is the feeling of getting dumped that leaves them feeling unwanted and desperate to get back with the person they don’t really want to be with! So ask yourself ‘is it really worth it?’ If you still answer ‘yes’ then its time to take action to get your ex boyfriend back. So what do you do? Well there are a lot of programs out there that teach you how to do just that. Some are good, some are just ‘gimmicks’. But the most important thing is it is all about understanding the other person at a deeper level. You see, often relationships end because the other person doesn’t feel understood. So understanding how men think is critical to having a lasting, deep relationship. Men think in very different ways to women.

Of course, we are all different, but there are general principles that when we understand them, you can begin to unlock the secrets to someone else’s heart. Having that understanding is key to attracting back the person you want – because the only way to get your ex boyfriend back is to use strategies that let him realize how much he really wants to be with you. And when you are feeling down and desperate, that’s probably the least appealing thing in the world. So start by building up your own self confidence. When you do that, people will start to feel attracted to you.

Tom Tims is a relationship coach and therapist. For more information you can find out more about Matt Huston and his excellent writings.

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Making yourself a worth loving person is usually the best thing you can do.

When We Do Not Feel the Same Way
By Susan Leigh

Each of us have our own perspective on our life experiences. These experiences are influenced by our history, our personality, our genetic predisposition. There are times in life when two people find that they feel very differently about a goal, a dream, a relationship, a point of view. They may have hoped to connect, but finding common ground or areas where they can negotiate is too difficult. Neither feels that they can compromise enough to make it work.

Some areas where people may feel differently:

- Dating is one area where this situation occurs. One person may be highly attracted to another, but find the feeling not reciprocated. The other person may be happy to be friends, but no more. Finding ways to reconcile and gain a new friend may be better than losing the person altogether. For some people the realisation is too tough and they have to walk away.

- Marriages often change over time. Life brings difficulties and new experiences which can result in some people becoming closer. Other people grow apart. One person may feel that their relationship is effectively over whilst their partner remains unaware of the change of heart. Relationship counselling may help improve communications but the relationship may not survive. Appreciating and accepting the situation can be tough, but when one person does not feel the same way it can be hard to remedy the situation. Remaining civil and friendly may be the best outcome in the end.

- Opinions and perspective are personal to each of us. Many areas of life generate opposing viewpoints. One person’s idea of fun may make another cringe. Learning to respect different tastes is important, as is moderating ones behaviour at times to accommodate others. This does not mean becoming a people pleaser. Being respectful of other people shows good manners and consideration.

- Hobbies and interests may have one person fired with enthusiasm, whilst another may be mildly interested, if at all. Demonstrating polite interest may be the limit of one person’s attention span and each may have to respect that there are areas where they agree to disagree. That said, it can be good for a relationship to have some areas that are enjoyed separately.

- Being inspired to achieve a particular dream can motivate one person and provide them with a sense of purpose. Other people may become focussed and driven for short periods of time. If their partner does not share their vision it can be divisive. The apportionment of money, time and energy may be difficult to negotiate. Common ground can be hard to find in these situations as both parties feel very differently.

Subtle signs that the other person does not feel the same way:

- Watch out for tell-tale signs. Hints and clues are obvious if we know what to look for. A person may avoid making eye contact, or body space increases as they avoid being too close. Language can be a clue if it becomes vague or elusive in the use of words and phrases. We often instinctively pick up changes in body language and will suspect something has changed before anything is said. That instinct can prepare us for bad news.

- Suggesting separate activities can be an indicator. In the early days of a relationship it is customary to want to share as much as possible. That said, there are times when doing things separately is expedient and it is not essential to do everything together. But it can also be a symptom that the mood of the relationship is changing and that they do not feel the same way anymore.

Ways to move forward in this situation:

- Relationship counselling can help with respecting each others point of view and finding areas of flexibility or compromise. Undertaking relationship counselling and negotiation can demonstrate a desire to move forward from the stalemate situation.

- Alternating choices. Agreeing to take turns to decide can be positive. This way each person has their say and then alternates with something they may have never considered previously. It can be a stimulating and interesting way to reconcile differences. I have worked with couples who have successfully applied this approach to their choice of holiday.

- Not feeling the same way about some areas can be fine, even energizing in a relationship. There are many examples of people with very different faiths, politics, affinities building solid, respectful relationships. The key to success is communicating openly and being loving and tolerant of each other.

Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief, with couples in crisis to improve communications and understanding and with business clients to support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams.

Further help, advice and articles on this and associated topics are available.

For more information see http://www.lifestyletherapy.net

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http://EzineArticles.com/?When-We-Do-Not-Feel-the-Same-Way&id=5922977

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Other useful resource: how to get her back

Just like you, Noah has suffered a painful breakup, but as a result of what I’m about to show you, he’s been happily married for 3 years now. Discover the exact formula he followed… Guys, click here to get her back, ladies, click here to get him back.

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The Break Up Death Circle of Pain
By Clay Andrews

Breaking up can be painful and leave you feeling broken hearted whether you were on the giving or the receiving end of the break up. Why is this and what is going on in most break up situations?

Well, when one person breaks up with another. The person getting dumped feels a very real and intense feeling called rejection. They feel as if their love and affection was not good enough to sustain the relationship, despite their best efforts.

This feeling of rejection is probably the most widely-known feeling that someone will encounter after a break up. After all it is this feeling that usually creates all those desperate actions that many of us may be guilty of (myself included).

However, the other side of the coin is that the person who broke the relationship off also feels an equally intense and painful emotion. This feeling is called guilt.

No one wants to feel as though they cause pain and suffering to other people, and that includes the person initiating the break up.

When they see the sense of rejection and that immense emotional pain that the other person is in, they can’t help but feel responsible for causing this feeling. This results in them feeling guilt.

Thus, the elements for the Break Up Circle of Pain are in place. The rejected person feels the urge to reach out and contact the person who initiated the break up. They want to prove themselves, the understand the break up better, or try to work things out.

However, the guilty person doesn’t want any sort of contact with the rejected person. They feel guilty for the pain they caused them and they want to keep their distance. After all every interaction that they have with this person only reminds them of the pain that they are responsible for causing.

Thus this painful dance plays out for sometimes as long as several months. One person reaching out while the other avoids them.

This is a very painful thing to go through and the pain will only stop when one person is willing to break the pattern, heal their broken heart, try a different approach.

Breaking up can be one of the most emotional things that someone will experience in their life time. Whether you are on the giving or the receiving end, the pain that you feel can be intense. However, the situation will only get better once you can break the cycle of mutual pain, rejection, and guilt.

If you found this article helpful, also check out how to get over a broken heart and how to heal a broken heart.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Clay_Andrews
http://EzineArticles.com/?The-Break-Up-Death-Circle-of-Pain&id=6793420

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Give yourself time to heal and think of what YOU really want.

Relationships and Why I Love Healthy Conflicts
By Briar A Willard

It may seem strange to you that I love conflict, yet I do. That is because I have found that healthy conflicts are the best way to have fulfilling relationships both for myself and for the couples that I see in counseling.

What I mean by conflict is when a person expresses their dissatisfaction with the way something is. It can be about behaviors and feelings or about the concrete things, like the location of a fence between neighbors.

Without conflict, we would never know how the other person felt and that their needs were being neglected or even violated. We can live with someone for years and believe that we know them and yet, until we have a conflict we would never challenge the belief that they felt as we do.

Let me give you a short story as an example.

I was travelling across the US with a friend of mine. After a couple of weeks travelling together, each time we would eat a loaf of bread he would make a point of saying “I like the ends” and eat them. I was annoyed because I kept the ends of the bread to keep the loaf from drying out. Finally, I said that I didn’t mind the ends either! He laughed mockingly and said that he had watched me for over a month and that I would eat every other piece of bread before I would eat the end pieces. So obviously I hated the ends of the bread! Him saying this gave me an opportunity to explain how I really felt about the bread drying out.

Without that conflict we could have lived together for years without understanding one another. This is a small insignificant issue but it can show us how easy it is to assume that we understand the motivations of another and that more time together would not have brought more understanding.

When people express themselves through conflict, that is the point when healthy changes can be made which can actually improve relationships, in the long run. In any long-term relationships the absence of conflict demonstrates that one or both parties are not fully asking for their needs to be met. It’s impossible to guess all of the other person’s needs and meet them, without some discussion, usually as the result of some conflict. Whether it is from fear of conflict or lack of self-esteem, many people flee conflict and live with things that they hate.

That may sound strong, but many people never speak up about what their partners or neighbors are doing and that they find ugly or even dangerous because they don’t want any conflict. Or they may be hurt and break off a friendship based on a misunderstanding that never got resolved because they avoided the conflict of speaking up.

I have lived in 5 different countries and I speak 3 languages. I have also worked with people as a Counselor or Life Coach and Therapist for over 25 years. In my experience over 80% of hurt feelings are due to misunderstandings between people. If the hurt person was to express their hurt and risk conflict about what was said or done, the other would have an opportunity to explain what was really meant! I wonder how many broken relationships could have been saved just by speaking up?

I have found that conflict is the best indicator of where to start work with relationships and individuals. The absence of healthy conflict is a sign that healing is required. There is some pain associated with speaking up. You may gasp at the words healthy and conflict being in the same breath or sentence, yet I think that healthy conflict is the sign of a healthy relationship.

So, how do I have healthy conflicts?

· It’s about being fair to all parties. Make sure both people get to have their say without criticism or interruptions. This is the hard part for some, they can’t seem to listen to the conflict without interrupting.

· It’s about bringing light to the problem so that both can see and understand one another.

· Being hard on the problem and soft on the person. The problem is the problem, not the person. Remember to describe the problem as separate from the person. They are not the problem, the behavior that they do is.

· It’s about getting help from an impartial third-party to help you resolve your conflicts that you are stuck in.

Now you know why I love conflicts and believe that we should have more not less of them. It’s not the number of conflicts that are the problem it’s the lack of skill in having healthy conflicts that causes the problems.

I hope that I can get a chance to help you with your conflicts.

Contact me if you are interested in getting solutions to issues that have been troubling you for a long time or are keeping you up at night. I provide Life Coaching, Business Coaching Counseling and Family or Business Constellations. Our clinic is Making Connections Qld, situated in Brisbane, Queensland Australia. Our web page is http://makingconnections.com.au/

Go for a breakthrough in understanding so that you can learn how to resolve your personal and relationship issues based on new insights. I’ve been working with people for over 25 years. I also work by phone and over Skype. Come see me on my website and give me a call so we can help you get peace of mind now.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Briar_A_Willard
http://EzineArticles.com/?Relationships-and-Why-I-Love-Healthy-Conflicts&id=6791550

You got to have the patience and determination to win your ex back. Here is a guided system that has helped thousands of people save their relationships: Guys, click here, ladies, click here.

Other useful resource: get her back